just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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