Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
