Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
