My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize