Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
