I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
