i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
