what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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