I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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