I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
