That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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