i was rollin on her like bob the builder
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
