so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
