Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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