this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
tell me about the eggs
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