he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
