what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
