she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
