Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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