Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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