Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
