also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
