as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
