I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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