i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
