she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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