do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
