I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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