Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
