She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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