Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
