I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
