You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
