he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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