Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize