Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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