Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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