I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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