How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How's work?
Spinning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
