he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
