Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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