I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
