I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
