You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
