I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
