headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
