dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
