I think I am morally bankrupt
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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