Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
