how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it was like eating out sand paper
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
