he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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