My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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