when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
