Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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