I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
