whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
