mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize