do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
