i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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