I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They have beer where we have blood.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
