My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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