She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There's a naked man in my car right now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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