I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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