why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
