she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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